


The Place We Both Belong

by hinotoriii



Series: Oscar Trevelyan [6]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: M/M, talk of a past relationship that happens before the Inquisition timeline
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-01
Updated: 2015-04-01
Packaged: 2018-03-20 18:51:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3661227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hinotoriii/pseuds/hinotoriii
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oscar asks Dorian why it is he always leaves after they've slept together. The talk digs up a few deeper truths about them both than they knew were hanging over them, however a better understanding is made on what it is they both want. Thankfully, it's something that they're mutually after in this new sense of 'more' between them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Place We Both Belong

Oscar watches Dorian try to find where his clothes are located throughout the room, admiring the view he’s currently being given. He’d be enjoying it more if it wasn’t to end in Dorian making himself presentable enough to leave his side, however.

It’s been a month since they had mutually confessed that they wanted a relationship together, and Oscar had hoped that by now they would have been over this little hurdle. The first time it happened he had put it down to Dorian still being somewhat unsure of the sincerity of Oscar’s words promising more than just fun between them both, thinking that all that was needed was time for Dorian to relax and feel comfortable with him. Yet the more it happens as time passes the more Oscar can’t help the way his mind wanders, so much so that he’s started to worry himself that there’s something which he is missing.

He wonders that thought now, watching from his place on the bed as Dorian finds his discarded robe laying on the loveseat nearby.

“Can I ask you something?”

Dorian pauses from where he stands, hesitating for a moment before smiling at Oscar from over his shoulder. He chuckles, turning back to look over his robe.

“I believe you just did, did you not? Unless my ears have deceived me.”

Oscar suppresses the urge to roll his eyes at the comment, instead leaning his head back against his pillow for a quick moment. He lets out a heavy sigh before pushing himself back up again, moving to kneel on his legs as he sits up a little straighter, surrounded by the crumpled mess of blankets and sheets.

“Come on, I’m being serious here,” He says, shifting a little closer to where Dorian stands.

It’s Dorian’s time to allow a breath to escape from his lips, and he lets his robe fall back onto the loveseat before moving to sit on the edge of the bed near Oscar.

“Alright, have it your way," Dorian replies. “What is it you’d like to talk about?”

He tries hard not to look Oscar in the eye, and from where he remains beside him Oscar can easily sense the other man’s apprehension. Dorian’s shoulders are slightly hunched - just enough to almost be unnoticable if Oscar didn’t know him half as well as he does. He tentatively reaches out to rest his hand on Dorian’s shoulder, touch light and delicate to begin with, yet when he’s certain Dorian isn't about to flinch or move away it becomes more certain and sure. More comforting.

“Is there …” Oscar pauses, huffing out a laugh to himself as he shakes his head, forgetting what he was about to say and finding better words to express his concerns. “Are you happy being with me, Dorian?”

As Oscar looks up, he sees how Dorian’s eyes have suddenly widened in disbelief at his question. He’s facing him now, forehead beginning to furrow deeply with what can only be bewilderment.

“Of course I am,” Dorian quickly answers, not an inch of hesitation detected in his voice. He is serious now, all the traces of humour from before long gone. “Why? Have I given you the impression that I’m not?”

“No!” Oscar hurries to say. “Of course not. At least…”

He lets his words drift into the air, bowing his head and staring at a pattern on the ground. Oscar has to be careful with what he says now, although he fears he may already have alarmed Dorian; which was the opposite of his original intentions.

 _“At least…?”_ He hears Dorian repeat.

Oscar searches for his confidence again, holding onto it as he faces Dorian once more, searching the worried expression staring back at him. He breathes in deeply, letting his eyes roam over Dorian’s appearance and reaching up, letting his other hand play with a piece hair that’s fallen out of the usual, perfectly styled appearance Dorian usually always wears.

“I just wonder,” Oscar starts to say, playing with that piece of hair before meeting Dorian’s eyes. “Every night when we’re together, you leave not long after.” A pause, and as he continues Oscar keeps his voice gentle. “Why is that?”

“Is that what this is about?” Dorian asks. With his attention unmoving from Oscar he reaches up to rest his hand over where Oscar’s sits on his shoulder, giving it a tight, reassuring squeeze. “It’s not for whatever reasons you’re thinking of, I can assure you.”

“If it isn’t, then tell me why it happens anyway.”

Dorian hesitates for a second, before giving a small nod of his head.

“Alright,” He says quietly, almost as if speaking to himself more than someone else. He sits up, and Oscar watches, noticing how still Dorian’s attention remains on him.

“It’s for two reasons,” Dorian begins, louder than he had spoken before. “The first is simple; to save you from the gossip that would spread. Bedding the evil Tevinter mage is one thing - but to be in a relationship with him? And so openly so too? Such scandal.”

Oscar frowns in displeasure. He really doesn’t like it when Dorian starts referring to himself as one of the ridiculous stereotypes those who didn’t know him properly reverted to seeing him as, especially when it starts to seep into personal matters such as the one before them now. Yet he half expects that this reason is more rehearsed than whatever the second may be, the one Dorian has had planned for the inevitable time Oscar brought this topic up.

“The second …” Dorian continues, before pausing once again. Oscar catches the way his adams apple swallows, almost as if Dorian were plucking up whatever courage he had within himself as well as an attempt at burying his uncertainty; his growing vulnerability. “... Is because I have never known anyone before you that has expected differently than just that.”

It makes sense then, what Dorian means. The missing link Oscar hadn’t considered. If it weren’t for his own head spinning a thousand possible scenarios for him, he would have made the connection much sooner. _Of course_ this is strange territory for Dorian, he had made it quite clear to Oscar before that he had never been involved with a proper relationship. Knowing that meant Oscar should have guessed that the intimate affections of simply staying by your lovers side could have possibly been a foreign concept to Dorian - a fantasy almost -  as much as everything else he was learning about was.

“Well, to start with,” Oscar eventually says, words but a murmur. “That first reason of yours is meaningless now, don’t you think? I’m quite sure that word has gotten out that we’re together, if the conversation you had with Blackwall the other week whilst we were in the Hinterlands is any good indication.” Oscar pauses, tilting his head and smiling as Dorian huffs out a laugh. “Not to mention, have I ever seemed to care about the opinions of those who don’t know us? Let any nobles talk, they’ll move onto another _incredibly outrageous_ scandal soon enough.”

“You make a good argument,” Dorian replies. “However, you might want to care a little more about them. Some of them are incredibly important people.”

“And if you were to name one of those _incredibly important people_ , I would probably be able to counter you with a more important name of a family that’s also pledged to our cause. If a private relationship is something that bothers them whilst there’s a blasted hole in the sky and a crazed ancient magister running around Thedas proclaiming to be a God, perhaps they need to reevaluate their thoughts on what is a more pressing matter to focus on.”

Dorian sighs, leaning forward to press his forehead against Oscar’s. Oscar wraps his arms around the mans body, pulling him just that little bit closer, bridging the invisible gap that had been between them before the conversation had been brought up.

“Very well. You’ve made it quite clear why you care little about what people think of who you care for,” He pauses, swallowing once more before pushing forward. “And if it really doesn’t bother you, then I see little reason for it to continue to bother me as much as it has been. After all, the distance was for _your_ benefit, and since you’d rather not have that distance …”

Oscar smiles, content to hear that the matter of others opinions on their personal lives won’t be a problem any longer. Dorian continues.

“This doesn’t solve our second dilemma over this matter, however.”

Gently, Oscar pulls his head away. He looks up at Dorian, seeing the vulnerability that is now staring back at him. This is new; a whole new layer of trust. They had spoken before about this topic, yet that had been but briefly. Now, Dorian is opening up a little more, inviting Oscar in. And in turn, Oscar returns the openness in kind.

“What if I asked for you to stay?”

Dorian’s expression grows surprised.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s not like I haven't wanted to. I have,” Oscar says quietly, giving a little shrug of his shoulder. He looks down again, letting his eyes dart from the floor, to the sheets, to his lap and back around the circle again, fidgeting as he does so. “Nearly every night. But I remembered what you’d said, about this being completely new for you. So I haven’t. Simply because I didn’t want to scare you away or make you uncomfortable around me.”

 _“Amatus,”_ Dorian answers around his breath.

He moves Oscar’s arms from where they’re wrapped around him, holding Oscar’s hands out before them both and wrapping his own around them. Oscar can feel the way Dorian is watching him, and for a very brief moment he glances up at him before darting his eyes back to the ground.

“This is important to you, isn’t it?”

“Well it’s not something I’m about to try and force on you if you didn’t want it too,” says Oscar, finally looking up at Dorian with a slightly strained smile. Dorian appears to notice the effort put behind wearing it, if the way his brow narrows is any indication.

“Oscar…”

Oscar sighs, sensing that Dorian is expecting the same level of truth and honesty which he always provides him with. His shoulders deflate as his smile falls, glancing back to the ground once more.

“It’s a little important to me, yes,” He answers honestly. Oscar chases his tongue over his lips, taking in a deep breath quickly. “I’ve never told you about my own experiences with past relationships before now, have I?”

“You haven’t, no. I’ll admit, I have sometimes wondered what they were like for you, but just like you I never knew how was best or if I should even dare to ask.”

Oscar shares another small smile at Dorian, before making himself a little more comfortable on the bed.

“I don’t mind telling you about them. There were a few,” He begins. “Most of them were the types of mutual decisions that weren’t really serious, the ones that were just for fun. Nothing ever came from them. Until … I met Leon.”

“Leon?” Asks Dorian. Oscar gives a small nod.

“He was a Templar. I’d been in the Circle for a few years and we’d gotten to know one another rather well. He was one of the nicer Templar’s at the time too, the ones that were honest and true to the order and what it’s supposed to represent. Leon really wanted to protect mages and keep them safe, and he wasn’t afraid to speak up if he felt another Templar was abusing their authority over them in a negative way. I think I was around eighteen when we first ended up sleeping together, and at the time, I’d decided to push aside what we were known as by our labels and just … let feelings take over instead.

“Of course things weren’t able to go smoothly though. There used to be a rule here in the Southern Circles you see, saying that Mages and Templars were explicitly forbidden from entering romantic relationships together of any kind. Because of that rule and what it would mean if word got out that we were somewhat together, Leon was overly cautious of avoiding the consequences for what we were doing. I agreed to keep what we had a secret, and in return we carried on meeting each other.

“Every time our … _meetings_ came to an end, he would leave. I asked him once to stay, at least for an hour or two before he was expected to make nightly patrol around the halls, but Leon said no. He told me that we were risking enough as it was, that him staying would be pushing the luck we were already treading along so dangerously, and that he didn’t want to sacrifice what we had over such a small desire. I understood, and so never asked him to stay by my side again after that.”

“What happened to the two of you in the end?” Dorian asks, brow deeping in what Oscar realises is sorrow over the tale he’s hearing. Oscar wonders if perhaps Dorian had felt the same with the people he had been with in the past; knowing how he had said he had always wished for more but could never find it in any of his previous partners whilst he lived in Tevinter.

“Leon was sent away from Ostwick once the blight hit Ferelden,” answers Oscar. “I think we both knew we would have to stop seeing each other soon anyway, but that’s what officially ended our time together. He left, and I stayed in the Circle like the mage I was supposed to be. Four months later, I overheard a Templar saying Leon had died.”

"Oh. I- I'm so sorry," Oscar hears Dorian say.

There's a sincerity in his voice, a true sadness which emphasises with what Oscar has allowed him to discover about his past, but it is not what Oscar wants. He shakes his head, letting out a breath before responding.

"Don't be. It was a long time ago, and I certainly didn't bring it up in order to make you feel sorry about what happened in the past. Maker, it feels like a whole other lifetime ago now anyway." Oscar lifts his head, continuing as he squeezes Dorian’s hand reassuringly. "I'm telling you this because at the time, Leon was the only other person I wanted to remain by my side after we'd been together. As soon as he said no, it was something I stopped allowing myself to think about happening. But with you, Dorian? When it comes to you? I _do_ want that - more than I have ever wanted it with him. Yet I haven't asked it of you. I haven’t because I don't want to make you feel obligated to be my side simply because it’s what _I_ want or to move faster than you’re comfortable with. And at the same time ... I haven’t asked you yet because I like letting myself imagine that you'd say yes if I did."

And that's the truth of it, Oscar realises. His hesitation now at understanding Dorian's feelings on the matter is simply due to hope. He wants to hope Dorian will one day find the comfort within himself not to want to leave, that he might decide to curl up beside him all of his own mind. He wants to hope that if he were to ever ask it of Dorian, Dorian would agree. Oscar doesn’t want to experience such a simple rejection again, at least not from Dorian.

When it comes down to it, Oscar can be just as blind and unsure in some areas of relationships as Dorian is. He understands that they're fumbling through what they want and what they don’t want within their own together, and maybe that’s really what being in a relationship with someone involves: finding that special and unique pattern that solely works best for the two people involved.

"Just for the record, but if hypothetically you _did_ ask me," Dorian begins, breaking Oscar out of his thoughts with words spoken in a soft tone. "I would stay."

It's Oscar's turn to wear the look of surprise, and Dorian gives him a warm smile in return.

"How could I ever not, when it would mean knowing it’s something we both wanted?" He asks, reaching a hand forward and cupping Oscar's cheek. His thumb traces the fullness of Oscar's bottom lip, Oscar's mouth ever so slightly parted as he continues to listen. "You are a rather daft man sometimes, aren't you _amatus?_ If you had asked even before we’d had this discussion, I would have likely crawled back to lay beside you in that bed of yours with little hesitation."

Oscar practically feels the way his face brightens at the words, his worry from earlier evaporating. He leans into the touch of Dorian's hand, touching it lightly with his own and holding it in place. He wants to remember this moment, lock it away along with the warmth he feels in his heart for the man before him and keep both things safe within his mind.

“Then stay, Dorian. Forget searching for your clothes right now, and just stay with me instead.”

“I can think of nothing better,” Dorian replies, leaning over Oscar as the two of them slowly begin to fall back fully onto the bed, watching one another as Dorian crawls his way over him. “And whilst we’re in the mood of saying such syrupy words, know that I’ll stay by your side as long as you want me there.”

Oscar doesn't say anything. Instead he pulls Dorian down by his shoulders, leaning up slightly so that their lips can meet, before kissing him deeply. For in that moment, Oscar cannot find the words to express what he feels; but he knows how to show his feelings.

* * *

Much later, when Dorian is woken by the sunlight filtering it’s way into the large room around him, he casts a look to where Oscar is curled up against him. He’s still asleep, hair a mess and mouth slightly open as he snores lightly, yet it’s a sight Dorian finds he wouldn’t trade for anything.

Staying with Oscar is worth it, if it means he gets to wake every morning to the man next to him. Dorian realises that now that he knows what the feeling of being wanted in such an innocent way is like, he’ll never want to walk away from him again.

And Dorian finds that he’s not afraid of the reality of how much he cares for this impossible man who’s stumbled his way into his life in such a dramatic way. In fact, he doesn’t mind it at all.

**Author's Note:**

> A little authors notes at the end for a change...
> 
> So, I was a little nervous about this story slice, mostly because the ideas and thoughts in my head may not be as easily translatable as I'd like them to be. I hope they do manage to make they're way across, but everyone has they're own interpretations!
> 
> 1 - Oscar's relationship with Leon was very different from the relationship he later shares with Dorian. For one, he was much younger at the time, meaning that his ideas on the subject have evolved and changed over the years (seeing as I headcanon Oscar at 29-30 when this conversation happens, you're looking at a good 10-11 years of growth). It was a hidden relationship due to the Circle rules, but there was a mutual care between them both. Oscar was not tricked, used or misled in any way, it was just that the type of relationship itself was a very difficult one to really embrace. Even if Leon had lived, it would have eventually crumbled. 
> 
> 2 - Dorian in this series has not had a previous relationship full stop. He's wanted them, and thought he was in them once or twice, but those people he was with _were_ only using him for a quick lay - save one maybe, but that was something Dorian never thought to explore as an option. In one way him and Oscar are similar since they have both had to sneak around before, but in another way they are not as Oscar has had a little bit more of an experience on what a relationship can provide. Yet the both of them find the healthiest and best relationship in the one they learn to develop with each other. 
> 
> 3 - Despite Oscar having a bit more experience than Dorian, Oscar is still stumbling. They're really guiding each other and building their own path for what they want in the life they share, which means they get to talk about and explore new things together. It's scary for them both at times, but it's something they're doing as a unit, so it makes it both a little easier, and a little better. The fact this is a relationship they are both proud, happy and open about now, well. That really helps in a huge way.


End file.
